Third Time's Not So Charming

This is me, January 20, 2017, 12 weeks pregnant, going in for surgery to remove our sweet baby who no longer had a heartbeat. 

Because tax season had already started, Mckay couldn't be there with me. So my sister, who kindly took the day off to be with me, took this picture to send to my family with an update. 

You may be wondering why I am smiling. This wasn't exactly a happy day. 

    1. If you knew my sister, you'd know she could put a smile on anyone's face. 

    2. Despite the overwhelming emotions that have come with our repeated miscarriages, I know that          God loves me and has a plan for me and my family.

In this moment, I felt a sorrow so deep and so personal and so overwhelming, but I also felt a blanket of peace. Peace because of the amount of tender mercies I had witnessed on my behalf, not just with this most recent miscarriage, but with all of them. My heart can't help but turn to gratitude when I witness so many expressions of love from my Heavenly Father. 

It has been gratitude, through all the sorrow, anger, confusion, and hurt, that has steered me back to my Savior. Although he hasn't taken this trial away, he has filled me with peace that passes all understanding. 

Be careful for nothing; but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. - Philippians 4:6-7

Jesus Christ is the one true source of peace. He suffered, died, and rose again so he could fill my heart with peace in this exact moment. It is because of his Atonement and Resurrection that I can face loss with hope and joy.

Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted. But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed. - Isaiah 53:4-5

Hoping you can find peace and comfort in your own battle through Jesus Christ, our Savior and Redeemer, the Prince of Peace.

xoxo,
Joanie