I have this habit of going to the Library and checking out too many books for me to read in the amount of time that I have them. Usually this happens when there is something in my life that I am running away from. Sitting down on one of my couches, preferrably by a window, with a blanket over my lap and a good book is my greatest escape (or hiding place). Emotionally, I dive into the plot of the book and forget my own problems. I guess this is one of my coping techniques.

Yesterday I went to the Library looking for just the right book to shut out my own thoughts. Honestly I was looking for a romantic, mindless read (I know, I am extremely pathetic). As I was skimming titles and authors Max Lucado caught my eye. This author struck me as familiar so I grabbed it. Taking a minute to scrape my brain for how I knew this guy it hit me. He is the author that wrote You are Special.

This book changed my life in 8th grade. It strengthened my ability to trust that God loves me even if I didn't have any friends. I have relied on that testimony many times.

Anyway, Outlive Your Life was the title of Max Lucado's book I grabbed. In it Mr. Lucado discusses that Jesus Christ uses ordinary people to do extraordinary things. He alludes to the Bible quite a bit as he proves this point. The original twelve apostles were just ordinary people. They weren't rich or famous, uniquley beautiful, or even super righteous. "The one thing they had going for them was a willingness to take a step when Jesus said, "Follow me." is what Mr. Lucado wrote in his book.


This morning I was reading The Book of Mormon in Alma. Alma is grieved because of the wickedness of his people and so he gathers his sons and counsels them. The very last verse in chapter 37 Alma tells his son Helaman "Look to God and live."

WHOA!!

This has irritated me all morning. What does this mean? I understand that there is a spiritual meaning behind this, but there is a word that is bothering me. Really bad.

LIVE

Dictionary.com says that this means: to have life, as an organism; be alive; be capable of vital functions. So is that it? Living is just breathing and preforming vital functions, half of them involuntary? Well, CHECK. Can cross that one off my list.

No, that's not what I'm searching for.

Okay, what's the point of all of this? Going back to Max Lucado and his book that I grabbed from the Library, the sub title of Outlive Your Life: You were made to make a difference.

Hmm.....

Oh yes, this is what I'm searching for.

Here comes the horrible truth, realities that I have been running away from since I moved to St. George.

First, I really am not comfortable in social situations. More times than not I am awkward and closed off. I am afriad of showing who I am and truly speaking my mind. Maybe it was learned or maybe this is how I have always been, but it makes it pretty hard to make and keep friends.  

 

Second, I really do have a testimony, but my destructive weakness of comparing myself to everyone and even my own expectations slow my progression down. I don't know how much time I've wasted comparing myself to whatever; magnifying my insecurities. This does not help my social handicap either. At the end of the summer, right before I left for college I wrote my brother asking for advice. He wrote back an amazing email that made me realize that he knows me better than I thought. "Be yourself and don't try to be others." This was just one of the many impacting pieces advice he gave me.

 

Third, I am really sensitive. Small things can really hurt me. Part of the reason why I am afraid to be myself in public is because I can't handle thinking that someone doesn't like me. I get this from my mom. Most likely there will be someone that doesn't really like you, but I can't handle that. So I give a surface "me" to guard myself from potential hurt or conflict. I don't really know when I started doing this, but I have gone so far that I have lost opportunities to really get to know people and be able to help others. I think when I realized how far I had let this go was when I graduated from high school. I realized I had been so afraid to let people get to know me that after five years of going to school with these people I really didn't know any of them very well. 

 

Live. You were made to make a difference. It's time to stop allowing these personality traits from holding me back. Yes, I am only one weak, sensitive, socially awkward, lost girl, but I do have a desire to follow; a willingness to step when Christ invites: Follow me.

I was made to make a difference. So here I go, new year, new semester. Wish me luck! 

Remembered Wisdom

When I was a sophomore I met this amazing kid named Jordan. He is on a mission right now in Lisbon, Portugal and lately I have been thinking about two things he used to say.

1. It's good for me.

2. Smile...it's contagious.

There were times that Jordan would be asked to do hard things or things that he didn't really want to do. He would first say that he didn't like it or didn't want to do it and then add at the end, "but it's good for me" and move on to do whatever it was. Hard things are good for us. Jordan understood that and his character shows it.

Smiling is truly contagious. This was a phrase that I said once to Jordan and then he continued to remind me. One specific day, it was not a very pleasant day for me, Jordan reminded me to smile...it's contagious. So I tried it and it turned my day around. There has to be some kind of chemical reaction that happens in your brain when you smile. It's impossible to be unhappy or sad when you smile.

Thank you Jord, for your words of wisdom and always helping me to be better.

St. George!

Things I've missed in St. George:

• Mom and Dad
• KrisAnne
• SUNSHINE
• Pizza and Pasta Factory
• Ivins 2009/2010 Royalty
• My car/Driving
• My running routes
• The Thornton's (Holly, Mark, Joshy, and Beka)
• The Sandbergs
• The Gines'
• My primary class
• ST. GEORGE TEMPLE
• My bed/own room and bathroom
• Aunt Marsha
• MY PIANO

Things I miss in Rexburg:

• Rexburg Temple
• My roommates
• Walking everywhere
• The Bowman's
• The special spirit
• School
• My own food

After a week home I think I'm ready to go back to my home in Rexburg. I am ready to finish out the semester and definitely ready for Christmas! :) Overall this week has been fun. Coming home was harder than I thought it would ever be, but it was so nice to spend time with friends and family again. Life has changed. Better? Worse? No. Just changed.

Fear? No...

This morning I walked up to the Rexburg temple to go do some baptisms. Lately I have been studying out of an amazing book called The Infinite Atonement. It has taken me a while to read because it gives you so much to think about that I have to stop, ponder, and let it all sink in. This has helped me so much to apply the Atonement more fully in my life. It has helped me dig deeper into the Atonement and what Christ really did for each of his brothers and sisters. I reccommend this book it is great.

                                                                                 
Anyway, that's not what I wanted to write about. My Sophomore year of high school we studied the Old Testament in Seminary. The theme that year was Fear Not. Over the summer and throughout this semester the Lord has brought this phrase into my mind over and over again. Sometimes in the temple I like to read the Bible dictionary. There are tons of little treasures in there. Today I was skimming through and the word Fear caught my eye. The last part of it says, "Ever since the Fall God has been teaching men not to fear, but with penitence to ask forgiveness in full confidence of receiving it." Recently this has been true in my life. The Lord has been trying to teach me how to have faith in him; how to trust the Atonement and let it work in my life. Which leads me to one of my favorite scriptures. Mark 5:36 "...Be not afraid, only believe." There is a footnote on the word believe which says GR exercise faith. Our merciful father doesn't want us to fear his Son's sacrifice. He wants us to believe or exercise faith "in full confidence." The Lord Jesus Christ did indeed suffer all things; descending beneath it all. He conquered all things and is willing to give us power to conquer all things. So.....

Be Not Afraid, Only Believe.

"We are shaped and fashioned by what we love." –Goethe.

     

So...maybe this isn't what Goethe meant when he said what we love shapes us, but it works. Midterms are officially over and out of all my classes my Nutrition class is my favorite. I'm not exactly sure when it happened, but one day I realized whenever I read about fitness or health I get really excited. Eating is one of my favorite things to do and I find myself thinking about it more than anything else. Since the beginning of the semester I have tried to pay extra attention to my body and what it tells me. Our bodies are truly the most amazing thing. Our overall health is a huge part of our happiness on this life. I can't wait to be done with my foundations classes and get started on my degree full time.

I have these great roommates that share my interest in health. We like to exercise together and find new ways to do it. Running is what we do most of the time. It's amazing how much easier it is to exercise when you have someone with you. This is Alicia and I after a great run.

We look a little disgusting, but it just means we were working hard and our bodies are healthy. :)

One of the things I was looking forward to in college was buying and cooking my own food. Due to lack of funds I have only eaten food that I make. This is great for my bank account and for my hips! One day Alicia, Eliza and I made a roommate dinner.

At Broulims they sell locally made tortillas and I thought it would be great to buy them. Well, having little preservatives they got moldy fast. So we decided to make Holy Taco/Burrito/Enchilada's. As I poured the enchilada mix, water, and the tamato sauce in with the hamburger I realized that our taco's were going to be really soupy. Yeah, Enchilada and Taco mixes aren't inter-changeable.

Just a couple of weekends ago my amazing sister Adell came to rescue me and give me some company. We had a great time talking and sharing our experiences. Without fail everytime I talk to her I am uplifted and understand life a little more. BUT while she was here I had to take advantage of her amazing cooking and teaching skills. I had her help me pick out good, easy recipies that I could make and freeze so I wasn't spending so much time cooking dinner. We went grocery shopping and before she left she instructed me what to do to make these meals. So I spent that whole Saturday night cooking. At the end of the night I had made Swiss Steak and Autumn soup, portioned them into the perfect serving tupperware, and organized them neatly in our freezer. With my limited cooking experience I was quite satisfied. The best part is that now when I come home starving from class, or soccer, or the library I can heat up an instant dinner that is nutritious. The other great part is that I am learning some great recipies that I can feed my family with. WIN-WIN!

The beginning of summer I made a goal to lose ten pounds by the time I got up to school. I just wanted to get into better shape and establish some good habits for being on my own. I've heard a lot of scary Freshman Fifteen+ stories. Starting at 130 lbs. at the end of the summer I had lost 8 pounds putting me at 122 lbs. I have been at school for two months and yesterday I weighed myself. 124 lbs. I just want to say...TAKE THAT freshman fifteen!!! (hopefully I can keep it that way!)

Well, eat your fruits and veggies. Your body will appreciate it. Take time to eat right. It is worth it! Yay Body!  



The Power of Yes

First, I want you to watch this video. :) My sister Lucy first showed me this and then my roommate Jenna showed all of us.

Jessica's "Daily Affirmation"

This has become one of our favorite things to quote. This little girl has it all figured out. My roommates Eliza and Alicia like to work out with me in the mornings. This has been such a wonderful blessing. I learn so much from these two girls. They are amazing. The other day Alicia and I were running to the temple and after running up the first big hill we turned the corner to run up the next one. This started a conversation about the power of YES. She was explaining to me the phsychological effects of saying yes. So to get ourselves pumped up to make it to the top of the hill where the temple sits we started yelling YES! Yes to the temple, Yes to our lives, Yes to school, Yes to our amazing bodies! The list went on (we also quoted little Jessica). I don't know for sure how it works, but it does. If ever you are in need of a little lift, just say yes. :)

College Life :)

Mesa Falls

My I-Team, Rachel Nail, and My I-Team leader

My Room

(Yes, my bed is on cinder blocks)

My awesome roommate Miki Weston :)

Colten Gines

Colten came to visit me last weekend before he leaves for Puerto Rico for two years!

We had a ton of fun. We went to church, made dinner, walked to the temple, sang under the stadium, and had a game competition.

My First Grocery Shopping Trip

So...I don't have a car here at Rexburg and I needed to go grocery shopping...I might have bought too many things for this one trip. After 5 blocks my back hurt a little bit. :)

Jewelissa

This is my awesome friend that lives only two doors down.

We went to the opening of Sammy's. There was live music and pie shakes. Mmmm.....

Rexburg Temple

This temple is so beautiful.

 I must say though that the St. George still remains my favorite.

The best part about the Rexburg Temple is that you can see it where ever you are.

It's on a huge hill....that I have to climb every week to do baptisms. :)

It's good for me. I actually really like running up this hill. It's great imagery and motivation to keep going.

That's just a little bit of my life here in Rexburg. I love it here! College is the best!

Woo Hoo!

Soccer History: Started playing when I was 8 on coed teams. I played recreational soccer until 7th Grade. I made my middle school team 6th-7th Grade. 8th Grade I moved to St. George where I bounced from team to team until I could finally try out for the high school soccer team. The high school team was so much fun, but also very stressful. I don't ever remember having a problem with running until I made the high school soccer team my freshman year. I'm not sure what happened, but all of the sudden I had mental blocks in my mind about running. Freshman and Sophomore year I made the team, but it was with struggle that I survived the dreaded conditioning weeks in the summer. After playing soccer for most of my life I decided my Junior year that the stress, anxiety, and exhaustion wasn't worth it after all and I tried out for the Fall musical instead. Since that time I haven't even touched a soccer ball or thought about it that much.

Present: My roommate LeeAnn took a soccer class this semester and last weekend she was talking about trying out for a competitive girls soccer team. Upon finding out that I have played most of my life she encouraged me to try out with her. Try-outs were Friday and Saturday for two hours each. It was an amazing feeling to put my shinguards and cleates back on and run around kicking a soccer ball. At frist I was a little retarded trying to get used to controlling my foot movements again, but it all came back to me very quickly. On Saturday when I was debating whether I really wanted to do this or not I found myself dealing with feelings of fear, anxiety, and exhaustion. I decided to try and overcome these feelings and continue my try-out. Saturday night I got a call from one of the coaches inviting me to join her team the Lady Hawks. This week has been our first real week of practicing and it has been so much fun! I was surprised to find out how many girls had also not touched a soccer ball for 3+ years. Our first game is tommorrow at 8:00. I am excited to get to know the girls on my team better and to finally have fun playing soccer again.  

I'm in college!

So, it's about time that I update this thing. My life is moving forward...FINALLY! I am in college! I have looked forward to this time in my life since I watched my sister Holly go and come home. I am enjoying the independent feeling that comes from moving out of your parents home. I have been in Rexburg, ID, for two weeks now going to school at BYU-Idaho. It's AMAZING up here! My first week was fun, but a little exhausting. BYU-I has a new student/Freshman orientation called Get Connected. It's a lot like a mini EFY. We did a lot of fun things and a lot of really awkward interesting things. The highlights were morning sides with President Clark, learning more about  my major, and hiking Mesa Falls. School started last Thursday. I'm still adjusting my high school trained mind to think like a college trained mind, but it's going well.

My roommates are amazing! I have been so blessed. I live in an apartment with 5 other girls and it's so fun. Sometimes it's hard to get anything done because there is always something fun going on. I am the youngest of all the 5 and I'm so grateful for their help and examples. My room roommate is named Miki Weston. She is from Iowa and served a mission in Seattle, Washington. We have a lot of fun distracting each other from our homework. In the back left room there is Alicia Warwood from Battle Mountain, Nevada. She also served a mission; to Alaska. We like to strategize silly ways to get boys to notice us amidst the thousands of other girls. Sharing her room there is Eliza Layton. What an amazing girl. Just called as our relief society president. We have had many spiritually uplifting talks the most. I love that in the morning the first thing I hear her say is a compliment to one of us. These girls are my work out buddies. No freshman fifteen for me. Now, in the back right room there is LeeAnn Riggs from Ohio. She is our drama queen. She's a sophomore studying Theater. I love it when she gets real dramatic. It makes me feel at home. Sharing her room is her cousin Jenna Cabe also from Ohio. Jenna kills me. She is so funny. Most of our nights consist of sitting in our living room talking and laughing at all the funny things Jenna says. I love my roommates!

I'm looking forward to the rest of the semester and becoming more comfortable with my new life here in Rexburg. As I get used to my new schedule hopefully there will be more updates coming.     

WORK!!

The summer before I turned 16 was probably one of the hardest summers of my life. Among many reasons the main one was because I needed money and I couldn't get a job. I even tried to convince my very protective dad to let me work at the Sno Shack selling snow cones. He didn't buy it. Finally my birthday rolled around and thankfully I was blessed with a job. I was hired to be a Hostess/Salad Girl at Pasta Factory. I was so excited. My first night was hard. It was slow and I was not used to standing that long. I remember my brother making fun of me after I had complained how stiff I was.

It has now almost been three years since I started working there. Where has the time gone? When I think about how much time I have spent at Pasta Factory I am a little disgusted, but it has been a great blessing in my life. There are days when I come home tired and frustrated, but as I am leaving so soon I realize how much I will miss it. The job itself is easy and mostly fun, but it will be the people that I miss the most. For some reason people don't seem to leave that place. Year after year pass by and it's still the same people opening the restaraunt, waiting inside, and cooking the food. This is precisely the reason why I will miss it. These people have become a family to me. I'm slow to admit that it has actually become a sort of home to me. On nights when I have been stuck at home alone I have found myself making up reasons to go to pasta to cure me of my lonliness.

In the fall Tuacahn offered me a job working in concessions. Thankful for the extra money I accepted. Now that it's summer and I am practically working 24 hours I don't know how thankful I am for the extra job. There are some days when I work at Pasta in the morning and Tuachan in the evening. This week I had to do that two days in a row. I am thankful that I am young and I can physically do this, but mentally I don't know how much more I can take. Work has become my life! I am thankful though, expecially when it is pay day! Well, it's 4:20 and I'm due at work at 4:30 so I'm off....

Daughters of God

In May I graduated from high school and was given the book Daughters of God by M. Russell Ballard as a gift. I just recently finished it and have found it absolutely amazing. As a young women getting ready to start my life, go off to college, meet my eternal companion, and start a beautiful family this book has given me hope and strength. The worth of a righteous woman is diminishing in the eyes of the world, but it will never diminish in the sight of our Eternal Father. Near the end of the book Elder Ballard speaks of the Savior and his humble response to the Father's question, "Who can I send?" The Lord simply replied "Here am I, send me." Elder Ballard then continues and encourages us to be the kind of women who, when asked to do hard things, simply replies "Here am I, send me."

Finishing this book was the perfect ending to a journey that I started in February. Five months ago I was encouraged to sign up for the Bryce Canyon Half-Marathon. I struggled for a long time debating whether or not this was something I really wanted to do. For weeks I mused over the pros and cons of this task. In order to do this I knew that I would have to rely on the Lord. So I started running. At first it was only two miles, but eventually I worked up to three just in time to start my real training. In May my sister Holly and I started training together. Each run was an opportunity to converse with my loving Father. He taught me so many things, about myself, about Him, about this life. My training finally ended and the race was here. The Thornton's, Mckay, Mom, and I had a great time that weekend enjoying Bryce Canyon. The race was hard. Harder than I expected. It was long. 13.1 miles is a long way to run, but just like so many times before the Lord sent his angels to rescue me. One of them was in the form of my sister Holly. What an amazing women. I am truly in awe at the women she is. As I struggled to keep positive the second half of the race I would often times look at my sister and thank my Heavenly Father for such a strong sister that could help me along my journey in life. There were many times I would feed off of her energy and that would be the only thing getting me through my runs. I know I could not have done this race without her. There have also been many times when I have ran away to her house crying about how hard my life is and she would listen and give me advice and even deal with my melodramatic scenes. How grateful I am for her in my life.

I finished the race. 13.1 miles in 2 hours and 28 minutes. I was able to run it in my goal time with 2 minutes to spare. I am filled with gratitude to my Savior who carried me through it. In the end, as I have pondered this experience, the most valuable thing that I have learned is that I am a Daughter of God, who loves me and I love him. He is my strength, my hope, my everything. He knows me by name and will do anything for my happiness and the happiness of all his precious sons and daughters. When I am weak, then am I strong.

As my life moves forward and changes I am thankful for this knowledge that I have been given. Inevitably trails will come, but I hope I can always remember this and when the Lord calls upon me I pray for strength to simply reply "Here am I, send me."

check? 123

I'm just checking to see if this works. :)