Joanie's Journey - Obedience

So I follow The Small Seed and this month they have been talking about obedience. I have been reflecting on one of the questions in their study guide - how can obedience help you discover your true self?

This question piqued my interest because I have been searching for my "true self" for a long time, but I had never thought about it through the lens of obedience.

As you all know now, Mckay and I have been struggling to start our family. It has definitely not worked out the way we though it would. This experience has been difficult and has left me wondering about God's commandment - multiply and replenish the earth. Why would God give us good feelings about starting our family and then, from my limited perception, not follow through? Why, when we have been obedient, do we have to suffer so much? I understand the commandment and the blessings promised and am willing to sacrifice everything/anything to have a family, then why is God withholding this blessing from us?

I realize these questions sound like I am complaining, but these are sincere questions that I have. Not just for me, but for everyone trying to be obedient to God's commandment to have their family and having not work out how they imagined it would.

Unfortunately, I do not have all the answers to these questions, but I can see blessings that have come from the withholding. There are so many. Ones that I recognize, and others that I am sure that I am missing.

One that I do thankfully recognize is a little better understanding of obedience.

President Ezra Taft Benson said, "When obedience ceases to be an irritant and becomes our quest, in that moment God will endow us with power."

Being withheld a family at this time has forced me to stop and think. It has given me a chance to ponder on the Gospel, my testimony, my desires, and my true self. It has made me evaluate and reevaluate my life and encouraged me to align my life with all of God's commandments in order to be more prepared for the blessings that are in store. It has led me to make obedience my quest and in return I have felt the power of God in my life.

Oddly enough, being withheld a family has led me to obedience which has truly shown me who I really am. As I have tried to be obedient God has shown me gifts and abilities that he has given me. He has shown me my faith and given me more confidence in who I really am. He has given me glimpses of who he is trying to turn me into and what he sees in me. Little by little, through my faith and obedience, he is giving me power to overcome -- to become what he sees in me.

1 Nephi 17:3 - And thus we see that the commandments of God must be fulfilled. And if it so be that the children of men keep the commandments of God he doth nourish them, and strengthen them, and provide means whereby they can accomplish the thing which he has commanded them; wherefore, he did provide means for us while we did sojourn in the wilderness.

This is only the beginning. My obedience has yet to be like Abraham, Nephi, or Esther, but as I bind myself to God with each act of obedience, I can have power to overcome and be qualified for his kingdom.

- Just a small note. Thank you Small Seed for your inspirational and uplifting posts!

xoxo,
Joanie