Two miscarriages.
Period, after period, after period.
Never
Ending
Aching.
Hoping against hope.
Fighting bitterness.
God, can you hear me?
Are your promises real?
People have different paths,
timing,
and missions.
Self-doubt.
Surrounded by darkness,
silence,
fear.
Heaviness, like a
weight in my chest.
Burning eyes,
throat,
heart.
"Trust me.
I'm here."
Peace.
Next month.
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I had no idea. I had no idea the pain, heaviness, and aching trying to have a family could bring. So many women deal with tragic loss and I had no idea. I cringe at the thought that my ignorance could have caused another woman to ache with pain.
This is such a personal thing. The vulnerable and insecure piece of me fights against my true self to share these feelings. Although, if even one person feels peace knowing that they are not alone I would share in their peace.
In moments of weakness I find myself wondering why this is happening to me. So many women have no trouble at all getting pregnant and staying pregnant. God knows best. He did not promise a life of only happiness, but instead provided a friend, companion, and savior to know perfectly our sorrow and knows perfectly how to succor us. He counsels,
"Be patient in afflictions, for thou shalt have many; but endure them, for, lo, I am with thee, even unto the end of thy days."
"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."
"These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation; but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world."
"Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid."
There is peace that passes all understanding. It is found in Him.
xoxo,
Joanie
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