Two Novel Thoughts

You guys. I am so excited right now.

After I graduated I got super concerned about continuing to learn. I have loved learning and I know it has so much to do with our personal growth. So finally graduating and moving on from formal learning was exciting, but also alarming.

Since then, though, I feel like I have learned so much! Mostly things about myself. I've been on this sort of self-exploration learning journey. Honestly, when I look back at me during high school I feel like I had more things figured out then and knew myself better then. Maybe that was part of the teenage "I know everything" attitude, but seriously. I used to think when I got married I would have arrived. Arrived where? I don't really know. I guess I thought that by the time I got married I would have myself figured out...

Well, poop. If that is a real boat, I missed that one for sure. I feel like getting married has actually been the experience to help me understand so much more about myself. It is exciting. Although, I don't always feel excited learning about myself. It is a hard and treacherous road sometimes. And then it is compounded when the joy-thieving monster Comparison comes out to play. At those moments I feel completely lost, discouraged, and weirdly, behind.

Two novel thoughts that I am very excited about has been:
1. Life is not a race.
2. We are all on the same team.

Hallelujah! God knows exactly where I am and he knows exactly where I need to be and that's all that matters. It doesn't matter that couples who have been married shorter than Mckay and I are having children before us. It doesn't matter if she knows what she's passionate about and I don't. It doesn't matter if their plans are working out quicker than our plans. My sweet Lindsey family has a plan and as long as I choose Jesus Christ every day I will move along my path at exactly the pace God wants.

Hallelujah! I don't have to compete with anyone. Those pesky little comparison thoughts that destroy my confidence and cause my self doubt are completely demolished with the simple thought that we are all on the same team. It is so awesome for her that she can create cute, beautiful prints, pictures, songs, books, etc., because I am on her team. I get to benefit from her amazing talents. It is so awesome for her that she has that opportunity because I am on her team. I get to benefit from the knowledge she gained from that experience.

You see? Comparing has no joy, no strength, and no validity. We are here to help one another make it back to our father in Heaven. That means there's always someone who can reach out and help me and there's always someone I can reach out and help.

Such happy lessons. Such happy thoughts.
 

Glow

"I don't want to drive up to the pearly gates in a shiny sports car, wearing beautifully, tailored clothes, my hair expertly coiffed, and with long, perfectly manicured fingernails. I want to drive up in a station wagon that has mud on the wheels from taking kids to scout camp. I want to be there with a smudge of peanut butter on my shirt from making sandwiches for a sick neighbors children. I want to be there with a little dirt under my fingernails from helping to weed someone's garden. I want to be there with children's sticky kisses on my cheeks and the tears of a friend on my shoulder. I want the Lord to know I was really here and that I really lived.”

Lately this quote has been on my mind. What an incredible woman! There is truly power in being a woman of God and Marjorie Pay Hinckley magnified that womanhood. As each year passes I feel like I am learning more and more what being a woman means. It is truly a partnership with God. We cannot bring about the good we crave unless we have partnered with him. Womanhood has a hollow meaning unless it is partnered with God. He gives woman their glow and influence. I see it in all the woman around me that I ache so much to be like. There is an adoration and a beauty that emits from their countenance. It has nothing to do with clothes, body image, hair, cars, etc. It is a glow from within that comes from a pure heart.

From where I stand I still have so much to learn and experience to be crowned with the kind of glow that Sister Hinckley emitted. But I'm going to try to take the advice of this amazing woman...“We women have a lot to learn about simplifying our lives. We have to decide what is important and then move along at a pace that is comfortable for us. We have to develop the maturity to stop trying to prove something. We have to learn to be content with what we are.” 

These words speak peace to me. We are all on a journey. One day when my journey ends I hope I have the glow of a woman of God. 

Post Grad Life

Before finishing school I was a little nervous about what my life would be like after I finished. I was in school for so long that I really didn't feel like I had any hobbies anymore. It sounds pretty funny now, but I didn't think I would be able to find things to do.

Thankfully that fear didn't last long. Once I was able to get back into the swing of things I found that I actually have time to do the things that I have been wanting to do! 

December highlights were:
1. Jamie and Alyssa's Wedding - of course no pictures of them.
2. The Bowman's finally came home for a visit!
3. My gift actually surprised Mckay. Go me!

My Beautiful Bowman Nieces

Sweet Maurie

My beautiful sister and her little mini me.

My fun cousin Abby and I folded napkins fancy for Jamie's Luncheon

My two nieces that are a week apart meeting each other (Hannah and Maurie)

Pizza stone, homemade apron, and a pizza cutter - My Cute Chef

I wish I could squeeze her everyday!

My sister took our pictures while she was here.

January was a very trying month. Since last spring Mckay and I have been trying to start our family. We have now been pregnant twice. Last June I had a miscarriage (11 weeks) and now again in January we had another miscarriage (8 weeks). Like anyone else who is struggling with this we have good days and bad days. 

I tried my hand at cinnamon roll sugar cookies. They turned out pretty good!

Mckay and I invested in some snowshoes. Super fun!

February so far has been filled with healing - physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Thankfully I have a job that keeps me busy most of the time. I am actually going to China next month for work. We will be visiting Beijing, Shanghai, and Hong Kong. This will be my first international experience and I am full of anxious anticipation. Just pray I can survive all the flying!

This is what I made for my sister, Lucy, and sister-in-law, Alise, for Christmas. I've just started embroidering so I was a little nervous, but they turned out alright. They were made with love and that's what counts! :) 

 Last Saturday Mckay, mom, and I made our way up to Hardware Ranch to take a sleigh ride and see all the wild elk. It was very cold, but they were fun to see.

Mckay's sweet gifts for me for Valentine's day - he is the very best.

I had a co-worker in Provo that made an amazing chocolate cake. I've had her recipe for a long time and I finally got the chance to try it out. Cake decorating is very difficult. I have huge respect for the talented people who can make amazing, beautiful cakes, like one of my best friends KrisAnne Feller. She makes amazing cakes! http://krisannefeller.wix.com/cakesbykrisanne. Check her out!

My friend and I made baby blankets for all the sweet new babies in our congregation.

Mckay help me put this up on our wall.

My favorite part in our apartment. Our apartment is an old pioneer home, but it has some great character. 

Overall, life since graduation has been full. I am actually trying to develop new talents, interests, and hobbies. God is good and he takes care of his children. 

Parks and Recreation (Not the TV Show)

I am a college graduate! 



This is me right after I took my very last final. 

I now have a bachelor's degree in Parks and Recreation (No, I have not seen the TV show, but I am sure it is very funny).

Of course, after all the stress was over I reflected over the last 5 years. I felt a lot of emotions, mostly relief.  This stage of my life has been rich with experience. I am so grateful for all the all the growth that has occurred because of those experiences. Such a wonderful blessing. 

At the end of my Human Resources class my professor shared a quote with us and on our final had us write about it. The quote was, "Education is what is left after you've forgotten everything you learned." As I pondered this I started to recognize the "education" that I really have received. I have gone to 4 different universities and have studied several different subjects. These are all things that really I was kind of embarrassed about, but in reality it has contributed so much to my "education." 

The last thing that I have noticed is my confidence level. From a baby freshman to a college graduate there are so many more things that I know I can do because of my college education. Throughout this stage in my life I felt a lot of fear and anxiety. The Lord pushed me hard. Looking back now, these experiences are the ones that gave me the confidence and peace that I was seeking. It is exciting and comforting to see this in the past, because I know that the trials and experiences ahead are going to continue to make me the person I am seeking to be. 

June

I thought I would post about our fun month of June while it's more than halfway through July.

What a summer, can I just say that? I cannot believe all that has happened this summer. I am so grateful for the growth and joy that I so needed this summer. So many new perspectives and tests of faith that I truly needed. God is so so good.

The summer camps I did for my internship started in June. What an experience. I'm so grateful for those sweet kids who were so patient with me as I tried to figure out what I was doing. I was in charge of a Sports and Wellness camp and Jr. Chef and Creative Craft camps. In the end I gained new confidence in my ability to do things I really didn't know how to do. I also learned that programming is not really what I want to do. Fancy that. It's not a huge surprise to me because I have never known what I have wanted to do. This has been a source of frustration for me for a long time, but I have started to accept it (I am really horrible at taking pictures, so no pictures of summer camps).

In the middle of June Mckay and I experienced some deep sadness, but it was in the midst of so much goodness and happiness too. Such a tender mercy from our tender Father in Heaven. He really is so good.

My dear, wonderful grandma Panganiban came to stay with my parents last month for a couple of weeks. Oh what a treat that was for me and oh how much I love that woman. When I think of my fiery grandma I cannot help but think strength. She has endured some very hard trials, but also experienced some amazing blessings. She, along with my grandpa, forged the way for all their posterity to enjoy the blessings of this great country. I can never thank them enough. Since we live so close to my parents, they brought my grandma up to our little home. It really was such a treat. We went out to dinner and got to visit, just the five of us. Later that week Mckay and I went down to my parents and most of my family came to spend time with my grandma and to enjoy her amazing Filipino cooking! I did take pictures of this because it was seriously amazing!

Jamie, digging in before the picture could be taken!

Mckay is seriously the best. He loves playing with my nieces and nephews.

Our chatting circle. Having both my grandma's together was the best!

Seriously, my grandmother is beautiful!

I just love these people so much! It was so funny. I told my grandma Mckay and I wanted to take a picture with her before we left. She said, oh, okay honey, I just have to see if I still look sexy! Ha! She's the best. 

After this wonderful time we headed down to St. George for the Lindsey Family Reunion. Can I just say, I married into the best family. We had such a good time swimming, playing games, chatting, and laughing with Mckay's extended family. And then the rest of the weekend we got to spend with Mckay's whole immediate family (except Haley because she was in ICELAND! She's so cool). Being with Mckay's family is the best. We only wish we lived closer!! We played card games, made homemade ice cream, ate lots of amazing food, and enjoyed the sweetness of our nieces and nephews. I learn so much every time we are with them. I am so grateful I have the teachings of my own parents and then on top of that the teachings of Mckay's parents too! Such a sweet tender blessing. 

Shaking our ice cream - Thank you Bryson for buying all the stuff!

Our next adventure from Mckay's house was SAN DIEGO!! Yay!! 

This vacation is one I have wanted to take for a long time. I finally convinced Mckay that it was worth the money and it definitely was. 

(Just a quick note: I am NOT a photographer. I rarely take pictures because usually I am not thinking about capturing the moment. I just want to enjoy it. So if the quality is terrible it's because I have no idea what real photography is.)

Getting to San Diego was quite the trip. It took a lot longer than we expected! That first night we got to our hotel that was right by the harbor so we walked the harbor. It was such a different scenery than I am used to seeing. Seeing the boats, water, and then the beautiful skyline was really breath taking. We got dinner and then collapsed in bed. The next morning we got up and headed to the temple. 

The famous picture of San Diego that everyone gets. We had to. I have told this to so many, but I am glad I didn't know what the temple looked like before I got married or there would have been no stopping me from getting married there. Seriously, talk about feeling like a princess. Beautiful! It was such a peaceful wonderful morning. 

From there we headed to La Jolla beach. Unfortunately, it was raining so we didn't actually walk around on the beach. We headed to the Birch Aquarium though. Mckay and I love going to things like this. It is so amazing to see all of the creatures that God has created. God truly has an endless imagination and is brilliant. 

Cool Jelly fish - the light in their display would change colors so it made it look really cool.

Humongous eel. Reminded me of The Little Mermaid. 

This guy was a sea horse! Seriously the coolest. It's not a very good picture, but those leaves are coming off of the sea horse!

It was a cute little aquarium. The cool thing about it was because it is so close to the ocean they can pump ocean water into their displays. All the sea creatures have fresh ocean water. Outside they also had a tide pool area where you could touch the sea creatures. I don't touch sea things, but Mckay thought it was really cool. 

One of the best parts about being in San Diego was being able to see a childhood friend that I hadn't seen in years! After our aquarium adventure we had dinner with my friend and her boyfriend, Jessie and Adam. I am kicking myself because we didn't take any pictures! Again, I am too excited about the moment that I don't remember to document it. 

Before heading to dinner we stopped at the beach since it had stopped raining. In my excitement of jumping over waves I accidentally dropped my new phone in the ocean. So it was out of commission for the whole second day while it dried out. 

The next day Mckay and I spend the day at the San Diego Zoo!

We LOVE zoo's! This one was incredible. Not only are the animals cool, but the whole park is a botanical garden. Everything was beautiful. I felt like we walked a marathon or more that day. We didn't even get to see everything either! My favorite was seeing the gorillas and the hippo. And even though I got a little sick on the skyfari, it was fun too. 

After a quick stop to our hotel we got changed to spend the rest of the night with Jessie and Adam again along with Jessie's younger brother Luke. It truly filled my soul with joy being able to see them again and being able to spend time together. Jessie and I discussed and agreed there is really nothing like a childhood best friend. Those relationships just don't change and they bring out some of the best parts of you. We spent the night at Ocean Beach. Jessie and I walked the beach while the boys played Frisbee and swam in the ocean. We all went to their farmer's market right by the beach and walked around trying to find a restaurant. We finally settled on a Mexican food restaurant. Both nights we had Mexican food with them. It was so good. Again we came back to our hotel exhausted, but so happy!

The last day we spent on Coronado Island. What a beautiful and quaint little Island. We were planning on riding bikes around the island, but the day was so beautiful that we ended up staying on the beach the whole time. What an amazing beach! It was exactly what I was hoping and expecting. 

Mckay and I spent the day soaking up all the rays we've been missing while living in Logan, playing Frisbee and picking up sea shells along the beach. We found so many! We found a huge clam. It was so cool/disgusting. After our relaxing day at the beach we headed back to St. George. But of course, not until we had stopped for Little Caesar's (Mckay's absolute favorite). 

Can we just go back?? I miss the salty air that made my hair so easy to deal with, the amazing food, the city sky line, and my friends!

We spent a little more time in St. George then headed to my brother's for a 4th of July BBQ and fireworks at my sister's house. It was an amazing vacation and needed more than ever. 

One last video. Our little clam.

Until our next update!

Peace and blessings.

Peace and blessings.