New Learning Philosophy

School started this week. 

I'm a little burnt out. My finals for Summer just about killed me. The excitement of Fall semester starting is not as magical as it usually is. 

Tonight I had Human Physiology. It was great. I am excited. 
My Professor went on a little tangent and lectured us about choosing a career that we will enjoy, that we will look forward to Monday to go back to work, instead of complaining about it. 

This got me really thinking. 

A couple of weekends ago I went down to St. George and hiked the Narrows in Zion's National Park (amazing! just saying). I rode back to Provo with my friend from my ward. We started talking about education. He is in the mechanical engineer doctorate program here at BYU and is super smart. I was expressing to him how I love love love learning, but am not a huge fan of homework, tests, pressure, deadlines, etc. I realized through our discussion that I have always gone to school to have some teacher give me a grade allowing me to pass to the next advanced, more difficult, and challenging year of school.

What am I doing with my life??

I have been in school since I was 5 years old. It's what my life has revolved around since I was 5 years old and I am just realizing that my education has really meant nothing to me. All of the tears, late nights, stress, and studying what has it really meant to me? Am I really a better person because of these classes I am taking? Maybe it's because school has just always been something that I do, I have taken it for granted and not really internalized the things that my teachers have dedicated their lives to teach me. Even the classes that I have loved and done well in, am I really changed because of them? 

Obviously you can tell I am having a mental/identity break down over this.

For example, my anatomy class this Summer was amazing, but at the end I didn't do as well as I could have because I started focusing more on the pressure of getting a "good" grade, than really learning anatomy and enjoying the beauty of our bodies. It was such an amazing and unique experience to study off of cadavers. It was such a blessing to witness God's work in such an intimate way, but because of the pressure I put on myself to do well, A.K.A get an A, by the end I didn't even think about how much I really enjoyed it and how much I would truly miss it. 

The conclusion to all of this thinking is that I am done going to school for a grade. The classes that I didn't really have to worry about the grade I did the best in and actually found myself doing more than necessary because I just enjoyed learning about the subject. I want to graduate from college and when I walk away with my diploma I want to feel like my education has enriched my life and that I truly am a better person because I have actually learned something that has changed who I am. 

The moral of the story is that I am finally going to take control of my education. Although I will still be working hard to do well in my classes I am going to be more concerned with learning the material. 

This is a tender mercy from the Lord for me to realize this. Motivation to care about school this semester was really lacking, but looking at school and learning this way has shifted my paradigm. 

Happy first week of school!