In My Own Little Corner

Okay, so it's been a little heavy over here on my blog. So I thought I would lighten things up by giving you an update on our lives - not the baby, purpose, mission stuff, but what we're actually up to.

Tax season is over!! My husband actually gets to come home and spend time with me. We are actually both "quality time" love language people so tax season was challenging for both of us. The really awesome thing about tax season was that I really got to dive into my hobbies. As in, I had ample time to be creative.

Some of the things I am currently interested in:

Sewing!

I did not have an apron and after 3 years of really wanting one I finally looked up an easy pattern and made myself one.

There is a lady in my local church congregation that has fabric to make quilts for life flight patients. She has a great/easy pattern to make this. That's what I'm all about easy, beginner projects. I've made a few of these and they are so fun.

Remember when I started this?? I finally finished the quilt top. I like how it turned out. I like this pattern too. Again, easy and super fun. If quilting wasn't so stinking expensive I would make a million. Unfortunately, quilting is expensive so I'll just take this hobby slow and steady. 

Embroidery! Wow, I had no idea how much I would fall in love with this super easy hobby. The top one I made for my brother's mother-in-law. It was so fun. With this piece my mother-in-law taught me about color. Which is super helpful because I have no knowledge in this. She suggested the gold and I love how it turned out. The bottom piece I made for our young women camp fundraiser (silent auction). I was super nervous to donate something that I made, but I was satisfied with it. 

Flower Arranging:

This is something that I really wanted to try, but had no idea where to start. When I finally settled on a job it required that I do some flower arranging. This is an arrangement I made. There is so much about flower arranging that intimidates me, but the process is so fun and then who doesn't love fresh flowers??

This is an arrangement I tried on my own. I just bought the flowers at a local Smith's grocery store. I had such a fun time putting it all together and being able to experiment. The quality of the flowers weren't stellar, but I like how it turned out. 

Some of the others things that I have really enjoyed doing, but don't have pictures for:

-cooking

-cleaning (ha!)

-yard work

-READING - the most engrossing book I read in the last few months was The Secret Keeper by Kate Morton. Wow. I pretty much read it in one day. Loved the character development and twist in the end! Also, I just really love libraries. They are my favorite.

-aqua Zumba (grannies are my favorite!)

-planning dream vacations

-watching movies - I think I watched Moana a dozen times. Seriously the best movie.

Things I am looking forward to now that I have my best friend back:

-trips to see family

-more reading! I LOVE reading with Mckay and I have an eternal book list. Who's with me? 

-gardening - Mckay and I are going to try to plant our own garden this year and we are both so stoked! 

-BBQ's with friends and family. We bought outdoor bulb lights for our back yard and we are so excited to spend as much time as out there.

-hiking and camping

-not having to work for the months of June and July

-family reunions

-exercising together

There were a few super fun things that we were able to do during tax season. Here's a few pictures. 

This was our very fun Valentine's Day Date.

We got to go snow shoeing twice while it was still snowy. So beautiful and so fun!

Mckay and I were able to quick go out to my sister's and watch my nephew get his Arrow of Light. He is the cutest and growing up way too fast. I steal cheek kisses from him as much as I can before he gets too old/too cool to be kissed by his aunt. Also, my niece. :) She really enjoyed the refreshments at the Arrow of Light ceremony. She has the most adorable personality. It is so fun to live so much closer to my sister and her kids. 

Mckay didn't come with me to this, but I was able to go to SALT Women's LDS Retreat. It was so awesome. I am so excited because they are going to do their next retreat in Provo!

So I LOVE Asian food. Mckay and I were able to go on some dates together. We were able to go on some quick dinner dates and quick tennis dates. Such needed time together!

Sunday walks, weather permitting, have been our favorite. 

For Easter, we were able to go to my sisters house. We ate a yummy dinner and celebrated my niece's 9th birthday. We also played pie face.

Life has been really great. We have felt so blessed and so grateful for this time of our lives. God is so good. He understands us, loves us, and gives us all that we need and more. I have been especially grateful for the opportunities I've had to explore my interests and create beautiful things. 

xoxo, 

Joanie

Third Time's Not So Charming

This is me, January 20, 2017, 12 weeks pregnant, going in for surgery to remove our sweet baby who no longer had a heartbeat. 

Because tax season had already started, Mckay couldn't be there with me. So my sister, who kindly took the day off to be with me, took this picture to send to my family with an update. 

You may be wondering why I am smiling. This wasn't exactly a happy day. 

    1. If you knew my sister, you'd know she could put a smile on anyone's face. 

    2. Despite the overwhelming emotions that have come with our repeated miscarriages, I know that          God loves me and has a plan for me and my family.

In this moment, I felt a sorrow so deep and so personal and so overwhelming, but I also felt a blanket of peace. Peace because of the amount of tender mercies I had witnessed on my behalf, not just with this most recent miscarriage, but with all of them. My heart can't help but turn to gratitude when I witness so many expressions of love from my Heavenly Father. 

It has been gratitude, through all the sorrow, anger, confusion, and hurt, that has steered me back to my Savior. Although he hasn't taken this trial away, he has filled me with peace that passes all understanding. 

Be careful for nothing; but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. - Philippians 4:6-7

Jesus Christ is the one true source of peace. He suffered, died, and rose again so he could fill my heart with peace in this exact moment. It is because of his Atonement and Resurrection that I can face loss with hope and joy.

Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted. But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed. - Isaiah 53:4-5

Hoping you can find peace and comfort in your own battle through Jesus Christ, our Savior and Redeemer, the Prince of Peace.

xoxo,
Joanie

Purpose, Mission, Progress

There is something about looking up at the sky that makes me feel so insignificant/important. Is that a thing? Have you felt that way before? Something about watching the constant, but changing sky makes me feel free and connected with heaven. 

Life lately has been looking a lot different than I thought it would right now. I feel like life has put me in time out -- not for bad behavior, but honestly, for my health. 

Last month Mckay and I lost another baby. I spent 12 weeks pretty much on a self prescribed bed rest trying so hard to give everything this baby needed to grow and stay with us. The aching of a lost child, a lost opportunity, another lost hope are known to many. I won't dwell on this long. If I can bring myself to, I may write another post with updates. Hopefully we'll be finding answers soon. 

After having surgery to remove our sweet baby I found myself back on a path, journey, quest, I'm not sure what to call it, of finding out what my purpose is, what my mission is here on earth, and how and when I am supposed to fulfill these now, elusive, words. 

So for the last 2 1/2 months I have been searching. I haven't been working or really doing anything, but refocusing my life and healing. At first I felt rushed, an urgency to find a job, a career even, to fill up my time, distract me from my hurting. Understandable, I think, but that wasn't the answer. I have desperately needed this "time out." Each day I feel a step closer to having solid answers to these questions. Solid, in that they are founded in eternal truths, like God loves me, I am a child of God, I have a Savior that loves me and atoned for my sins, my hurting, and my experiences. 

I have learned that our purpose is truly to have joy, that we were created for the sole purpose of obtaining joy (2 Nephi 2:25). Joy isn't just a happy life, but a life full of the wide expanse of emotion and experience. There truly is no joy without experiencing the opposition (2 Nephi 2:11-14). 

"When people want only happiness, they can actually undermine their own development because their quest for happiness can lead them to suppress other aspects of their experience. Wanting to be happy can lead people to avoid (i.e., suppress) sadness when a loved one dies, or to avoid fear in the face of peril. The true meaning of being alive is not to feel happy, but to experience the full range of human emotion." - Edward L. Deci, Why We Do What We Do 

This truth has opened my eyes and has done wonders for the discontent in my heart. It has allowed me to embrace myself, my full self, mistakes, regrets, successes, failures, strengths, and weaknesses. To finally feel the start of a healthy, self-loving relationship. It has allowed me to be vulnerable with myself and gain confidence not only in my future, but in my ability to embrace the future wholeheartedly and contribute my small part to this great big beautiful world. 

How we achieve this purpose is entirely up to us. We were created to act, and not to be acted upon. How we achieve this purpose also changes depending on the season of our lives. 

In short, I think I am finally letting go of what my life should look like, what my mission should look like, and embrace each opportunity of experiencing joy - feeling all the emotions, contributing when and where I can. 

Stoplights and Doors

Don't you just love that quote? This quote basically sums up my life right now. I am fighting off the fear of the unknown and trying to put my trust in the God I do know. 

Several years ago, I had a religious leader teach me about stoplights and personal revelation. He taught me that there are times when the Lord gives us a red light, telling us to stop and redirect. Other times he gives us green lights, telling us to charge forward. And sometimes the Lord gives us yellow lights. We talked about how usually at a yellow light you speed up so you can make it through that light, but that when the Lord gives us a yellow light it usually means to slow down, ponder, listen, and look around. This religious leader invited me to slow down, listen, and look for the doors that the Lord would be opening for me. 

I feel that same invitation again now in my life. I have no idea where it is going to lead, but I have a good feeling it's leading to greater happiness, understanding, and love.

Sending you love and encouragement to slow down, ponder, listen, and look on this beautiful Monday morning.

xoxo,
Joanie

Romantic Getaway: We love our National Parks

Last November, my work asked me if I would be willing to go down to attend a business conference and represent our program in Moab, UT.

Um, yeah!

Luckily for me, this landed right near my birthday. So when Mckay asked what I wanted for my birthday I told him that I wanted him to come with me. Neither of us had ever been to Moab, but taking time off was a sacrifice for Mckay because it would mean that he would miss school and work (I'm pretty sure this was only the 2nd time Mckay ever skipped school). He agreed and we took off.

From Logan to Moab is quite the drive. Also, as a side note, I am the worst car travel partner. Something about cars makes me fall right asleep. We got to Moab just as the sun was setting. It was a dream. Since Mckay and I both grew up in beautiful Southern Utah we were swooning over the red cliffs. Pure sunshine, blue sky, and red rocks. A combination to burst your heart!

That evening we ate dinner at a cute little Italian restaurant, Pasta Jay's, and enjoyed our hotel's hot tub. November is off-season for Moab so it is really only the locals there. We were able to enjoy the hot tub all to ourselves.

The next morning I attended the business conference and presented on our program. Following the conference we hopped in our car and headed for Arches National Park.

Wow. What a park.

Of course, we knew we had to make it to the Delicate Arch. What a magnificent showcase of nature. It's kind of fun, right before you make it to the delicate arch you see a cute little hole in the rock (above). Little did I know that the delicate arch was right there, on the other side of this wall of rock. We got up to the hole and heard music. I was so confused for a minute. There was a group of people who had brought their guitar and was playing and singing. The sound carried against this rock wall giving it a beautiful sound. It gave our visit such a cool, earthy vibe. Ha! 

It was amazing to go up close and marvel at such a beautiful piece of earth. It was hard to get closer to the arch because there were so many people who were trying to take pictures without strangers in their pictures, but we found a few spots where we could snap some photos.

We had a little bit of daylight left after coming back from the delicate arch so we decided to visit one more arch. This is the Landscape Arch. It is humongous! On the plaque it said that it loses parts of the arch every year and eventually it would break. It breaks my heart to think that it would fall and we would lose such beautiful earth-made architecture. 

On our way back to our car the sun started setting and the combination of colors and light was just gorgeous. Another showcase of earth's beauty. None of my iPhone snapshots do this national park justice.

After studying Parks and Recreation my passion and love for national and state parks has grown. I am filled with gratitude for the people in history who fought to preserve parts of our country that we can go to, connect with nature, feel peace, and contemplate on the majesty of the world we live on.

I am certainly grateful we were able to visit this jewel in the desert. It made for such a romantic getaway. I highly recommend it.

xoxo,
Joanie

Squire & Company

The Lindsey family has some exciting news to share!

Mckay starts his new job today! He was offered a Tax position at Squire & Company in October. We could not be more excited about joining this firm! Squire has been in our sights for a while now. About two years ago Mckay found out about them through his current job and ever since felt like they would be a great firm to work for. After going through school and learning more about what he likes about accounting and what he doesn't, Squire looked even more attractive.

Going into this recruiting season he was really set on Squire. So much so, that he didn't apply to anywhere else. This about gave me a heart attack. The morning of Squire's networking event it hit me that there were a lot of CPA firms coming to campus, but Mckay only applied to one. Holy smokes. Thankfully Squire liked him!

But how could they not?

When Mckay and I started hanging out in high school I knew there was something special about him. He is humble, hardworking, honest, and true. True is the best word I can think of in my limited vocabulary. He fills my life with goodness and light. I had no idea life could be so full. It is a special privilege to share in his life and watch him start his career. It's an exciting time for sure!

The only downside to this deal is the fact that for the next several months I will see less and less of Mckay while Tax Season is in full swing. It's a good thing I have lots of projects and ideas for all this free time I'll have.

Here's a random picture of us this fall during recruiting season.

Joanie's Journey - Obedience

So I follow The Small Seed and this month they have been talking about obedience. I have been reflecting on one of the questions in their study guide - how can obedience help you discover your true self?

This question piqued my interest because I have been searching for my "true self" for a long time, but I had never thought about it through the lens of obedience.

As you all know now, Mckay and I have been struggling to start our family. It has definitely not worked out the way we though it would. This experience has been difficult and has left me wondering about God's commandment - multiply and replenish the earth. Why would God give us good feelings about starting our family and then, from my limited perception, not follow through? Why, when we have been obedient, do we have to suffer so much? I understand the commandment and the blessings promised and am willing to sacrifice everything/anything to have a family, then why is God withholding this blessing from us?

I realize these questions sound like I am complaining, but these are sincere questions that I have. Not just for me, but for everyone trying to be obedient to God's commandment to have their family and having not work out how they imagined it would.

Unfortunately, I do not have all the answers to these questions, but I can see blessings that have come from the withholding. There are so many. Ones that I recognize, and others that I am sure that I am missing.

One that I do thankfully recognize is a little better understanding of obedience.

President Ezra Taft Benson said, "When obedience ceases to be an irritant and becomes our quest, in that moment God will endow us with power."

Being withheld a family at this time has forced me to stop and think. It has given me a chance to ponder on the Gospel, my testimony, my desires, and my true self. It has made me evaluate and reevaluate my life and encouraged me to align my life with all of God's commandments in order to be more prepared for the blessings that are in store. It has led me to make obedience my quest and in return I have felt the power of God in my life.

Oddly enough, being withheld a family has led me to obedience which has truly shown me who I really am. As I have tried to be obedient God has shown me gifts and abilities that he has given me. He has shown me my faith and given me more confidence in who I really am. He has given me glimpses of who he is trying to turn me into and what he sees in me. Little by little, through my faith and obedience, he is giving me power to overcome -- to become what he sees in me.

1 Nephi 17:3 - And thus we see that the commandments of God must be fulfilled. And if it so be that the children of men keep the commandments of God he doth nourish them, and strengthen them, and provide means whereby they can accomplish the thing which he has commanded them; wherefore, he did provide means for us while we did sojourn in the wilderness.

This is only the beginning. My obedience has yet to be like Abraham, Nephi, or Esther, but as I bind myself to God with each act of obedience, I can have power to overcome and be qualified for his kingdom.

- Just a small note. Thank you Small Seed for your inspirational and uplifting posts!

xoxo,
Joanie