This and That

 

This beautiful, faithful, virtuous girl is my best friend. She is endlessly serving me by listening to me ramble on and on about my life and the many things that I think. My heart is filled with gratitude that the Lord led me to a best friend who has enough patience and love to deal with my indecisive mind and revolving goals. Also to deal with my weaknesses. She has seen me at my worst, but continues to believe in me and encourage me to become better and reach my full potential. Anytime I have things weighing on my mind I can call her and she will listen and then simply and profoundly sum up all my feelings. I love her so much. I am so excited for all the amazing things that are coming in her life and the many new experiences that she will have. 

First week of school....Check! 

I think I will survive this semester....I think.

My classes are going to be really awesome. I can't wait to get into the meat of all of my classes. 

It has been sprinkling on and off in Provo. The leaves are changing on the mountain and I am so excited for Fall. The only downside of Fall is that Winter follows. Snow is not my best friend. Hopefully it will be a semi-mild Winter.

 

I am not going to lie, as school has started here at BYU I have missed Dixie. I miss the palm trees, the smaller campus, the friendly and familiar faces, the blazing hot sun, and especially the Institute. I miss Institute Council and Inspiration Choir!

On lds.org there are bible videos that they release once in a while. The new one is really good! I love this story and the way they did it was really good. 

 

Have a great long weekend everyone! 

New Learning Philosophy

School started this week. 

I'm a little burnt out. My finals for Summer just about killed me. The excitement of Fall semester starting is not as magical as it usually is. 

Tonight I had Human Physiology. It was great. I am excited. 
My Professor went on a little tangent and lectured us about choosing a career that we will enjoy, that we will look forward to Monday to go back to work, instead of complaining about it. 

This got me really thinking. 

A couple of weekends ago I went down to St. George and hiked the Narrows in Zion's National Park (amazing! just saying). I rode back to Provo with my friend from my ward. We started talking about education. He is in the mechanical engineer doctorate program here at BYU and is super smart. I was expressing to him how I love love love learning, but am not a huge fan of homework, tests, pressure, deadlines, etc. I realized through our discussion that I have always gone to school to have some teacher give me a grade allowing me to pass to the next advanced, more difficult, and challenging year of school.

What am I doing with my life??

I have been in school since I was 5 years old. It's what my life has revolved around since I was 5 years old and I am just realizing that my education has really meant nothing to me. All of the tears, late nights, stress, and studying what has it really meant to me? Am I really a better person because of these classes I am taking? Maybe it's because school has just always been something that I do, I have taken it for granted and not really internalized the things that my teachers have dedicated their lives to teach me. Even the classes that I have loved and done well in, am I really changed because of them? 

Obviously you can tell I am having a mental/identity break down over this.

For example, my anatomy class this Summer was amazing, but at the end I didn't do as well as I could have because I started focusing more on the pressure of getting a "good" grade, than really learning anatomy and enjoying the beauty of our bodies. It was such an amazing and unique experience to study off of cadavers. It was such a blessing to witness God's work in such an intimate way, but because of the pressure I put on myself to do well, A.K.A get an A, by the end I didn't even think about how much I really enjoyed it and how much I would truly miss it. 

The conclusion to all of this thinking is that I am done going to school for a grade. The classes that I didn't really have to worry about the grade I did the best in and actually found myself doing more than necessary because I just enjoyed learning about the subject. I want to graduate from college and when I walk away with my diploma I want to feel like my education has enriched my life and that I truly am a better person because I have actually learned something that has changed who I am. 

The moral of the story is that I am finally going to take control of my education. Although I will still be working hard to do well in my classes I am going to be more concerned with learning the material. 

This is a tender mercy from the Lord for me to realize this. Motivation to care about school this semester was really lacking, but looking at school and learning this way has shifted my paradigm. 

Happy first week of school! 

Panganiban Clan

Yesterday I was in the temple reading the church magazine, The Friend. It made me miss being a kid, all curled up in my mom's lap, feeling safe, being taught by my best friend about what is right and wrong. Many times I find myself wondering how I will teach my children as well as my mom taught/teaches me. Almost everyone in my family is a teacher. Besides my dad and myself everyone has gone to school to be a teacher of some sort. I have thought about being a teacher, but I just don't feel the same passion for it. Maybe because I am the youngest I am just comfortable and enjoy being a student more than the teacher. 


My family teaches me so much too. I love them so much. 


Lately I have just been filled with so much gratitude for my family. Even today we all skyped together and as my siblings and my parents were talking I just felt overwhelming gratitude for the strength and faith that my siblings have. Their experiences help me and strengthen my faith. Their love and encouragement give me courage to accomplish my goals. 


"When we realize that parents and family members can be more than blood relations and in very deed friends, then we will have a glimpse of how our Heavenly Father wants us to live, not only as brothers and sisters but as very close friends." -Marvin J. Ashton


"Strengthen your relationships with your brothers and sisters. They can become your closest friends." -For the Strength of Youth


Since I have moved to Provo my brother and I have been able to spend a lot of time together. I love being so close to him. I love him so much and he really is my best friend. He has blessed my life so much. He is the best big brother. 


There is also another person who blesses my life abundantly. She isn't exactly family, but nonetheless she teaches me and loves and encourages me just the same. Adriana Hall is an angel. Her purity and virtue inspire me and teach me more about my Savior each time we talk or get together. She never ceases to amaze me with her expanding heart and concern for all those around her. She has an acute sense of others that exemplifies our Savior. Last year we took a New Testament class together and it was so wonderful to be able to hear her bear her testimony and hear her insights about the Savior's life. In three days I get to have her for a whole week and I am so excited!! 

On this Sabbath day I am filled with gratitude to my Heavenly Father for the many examples he has placed in my life. Especially my wonderful family. 

elder mckay wayne lindsey

it's been a year today!! oh how i miss him!

our first date we made this humungo snowman. :)

so basically i am crazy.

i know i have already done this before.

but i can't help it.

i just love this kid.

everything about this guy makes this bubbliness emerge in my chest and it maybe comes out as a little squeal and big fat smile...maybe.

life goes on though.

i know from first-hand experience that things don't always work out the way you hope, but the way they do work out is your own beautiful God-given story.

as cheesy as this sounds i really do feel it...

someone as good as mckay is worth waiting for or at least seeing what happens.

because of my experiences i feel skeptical and sometimes insane for waiting to see what happens with....yet another missionary.

but as i have talked with my brother (who is quite the inspiring man) i have realized more and more that if we want something we have to go for it, work for it, and hope for it...even if it is crazy and highly unlikely.

anywho, i am excited for life. i am excited for my future and what is coming in general. i can't wait for mckay to come home and to just listen to him. he has the best stories.

i am sooooooooooooooooo happy that it's been a year already!

Wonderful Wednesday

Today, I saw my sister. 


I love her so much. It was so good to see her. It was actually a sweet tender mercy. Sister Lindsey is here at BYU for a FACS conference. We got together to go to lunch today and while we were sitting there my sister came up to say hello. 


Thinking about this gives me chicken skins. The Lord knows. He has a master plan. Our lives are in his hands and he knows what he is doing. I am so thankful for this reminder today that I have a Father in Heaven and a Savior watching out for me and keeping my life in line. It amazes me how the Lord coordinates each of our lives so that we can bless and serve and help each other. Times like these make me wonder how I can ever repay for the tender mercies and all-encompassing love I feel each day from Heaven.


Another thing that makes this Wednesday wonderful is that exactly 11 months ago Mckay left. One more month and he will have been out for a whole year. How has this happened? The last letter I received from him was so amazing. I can't believe how much he's learning and growing. He is so happy and continually says how much he loves being a missionary and how there is no where in the world he would rather be right now. It makes me so happy. He's so awesome. Period. My respect for him grows each time I hear from him. I am excited to see him and talk to him in 1 year and 1month. The end.


Cheers to a happy wonderful Wednesday!  

Miracles

I got a job!!

To list the amount of miracles that have happened since I have been in Provo would take a super long time. There have been so many amazing things happen that have strengthened my faith and given me hope for my future.

Getting a job is one of these miracles.

I have told everyone I know that I was looking for a job. Last week right before I left to go to Yellowstone my roommate told me that her boss was hiring. She told me to send her my resume and she would give it to her boss along with some good words about me. After I got back, on Tuesday, my roommate's Boss, Shawna, (now my boss too) called me to come in to interview with her the following day. Of course, Wednesday morning I was running late and I ended up being like 5 minutes late to my interview. I walked into the office feeling extremely stupid, but Shawna acted like nothing was wrong so I just went with it. We had the interview and during the whole thing I just felt like I wasn't presenting or portraying myself well so I walked away thinking oh well. At the end of the interview she said she had some other people to meet with and then she would let me know on Friday about the job. I went to the temple that night to help get my mind off of it and to pray really hard for a miracle.

Thursday was a super hard day. The stress was building and I don't have any responsibilities so I cleaned my whole apartment, did my laundry, worked out, read my scriptures and other books, went to the temple, and tried to stay positive and faithful.

I went to sleep Thursday night and I dreamed all night. Some of my dreams were that I got the job and some of them were that I didn't get the job. I kept waking up and wondering when Shawna was going to call me. So finally around 9:30 this morning my phone rang. I answered it and it was her. She asked if I wanted the job. I told her most definitely yes. They had put me on speaker phone because they all wanted to hear my reaction. Apparently they knew that I really wanted the job.

My roommate told me that after our interview Shawna said that she just knew that she needed to hire me. She said she was praying about it over the couple of days and again this morning and she just knew that I was the person she needed to hire. My roommate also told me that Shawna thought that I was confident and had a great interview. Shawna had actually felt bad because she felt sick earlier that morning and so she wasn't completely herself during our interview.

The Lord answers prayers and he most definitely takes care of his children. I am a witness of that.

So I am the newest employee of The Key Office. I work on campus issuing, tracking, and making keys. I am super stoked.

Yellowstone Adventure and Rexburg

jane and me

kisses

lucy and me

blaine and me

old faithful

alaska-looking hot pot

close-up bison

ladd parents and old faithful

emily and me

just had an amazing weekend with the Ladd's and the Bowman's

Yellowstone was as amazing as my mom always described it

i loved spending time with jane and with lucy and cody

and the ladds

i have felt so much love these past few weeks. i don't know why i have been so blessed, but i am so deeply grateful for the many wonderful people the lord has placed in my life.

i love spending time with family. as i was with lucy and cody i just relized that what they are doing right now, going to school, working toward some goals, raising their daughter, is exactly what life is about. life is about creating and enjoying. i am so thankful for the examples i have of this through my siblings and their families.

the ladd's were so generous to offer to take me with them up to rexburg and to yellowstone with their family. we had many adventures and a lot of laughs.

vacations are always super fun and exciting, but when we turned the corner and saw the big y on the mountain i was filled with excitement to be home again. i was so excited to see my roommates and especially to see my brother. i went and visited him first thing and again, i realized what an amazing brother and friend that i have.

hope you enjoy the pictures. if you get a chance to go up to yellowstone take it! it's amazing!